Debutante

No words can express my sheer boredom these past few days, I tell you. Actually, I just got back from San Francisco after attending a wedding.. BUT other than that, my life’s been monotonous and mundane and hazy and lazy and just plain old boring.

NOT until today did I realize that I’ve been letting my intellect disintegrate as my body fats increase while I potato myself out not only on couches but on any place I set my big blob of body mass onto. So I looked around for something to do.. It’s not like I’ve really nothing else to do.. I’ve just been really really lazy.

I practiced my Nocturne for a bit and got bored..

I think that’s my main problem. I get bored easily. In myspace, for instance. They have those surveys.. and this particular one had 85 stupid questions that people fill out not because they want to.. but because they’re bored and have nothing better to put their time and energy on.. I think I’ve only gone on half way and gave up on it. Tsk. I even get bored on boredom-reliever surveys.. Hah.

So I went to my piles of books and saw this unread book I bought at Costco about 3 months ago. Back then I didn’t have time to read it since I’ve been going nuts with my school work.. But now, I have all the time in the world and I am finally gonna be able to read it.

It’s Sarah Dunant’s The Birth of Venus. I’m thinking it’s a love story of some sort.. Well the only novels I ever read for leisure are the likes of those — sappy love stories. Back in the Philippines, my friends and I would hang out at this book-slash-school-supplies store (aptly named National Bookstore) and we’d just read there and purchase out Sweet Valley High novels.

My most favorite book, Maguire’s Wicked, though not entirely a cheesy love novel had a chapter for Elphaba’s affair with — what was that guy’s name? hmm.. I forgot.. Those things give me the good chills and give me that tingling feeling in my loins..

Dont get me wrong though. I read other genres too.. it’s just that I enjoy love stories more and they give you that warm fuzzy feeling afterwards knowing that your main characters are gonna live happily ever after in Fictionland.. I think that’s why they appeal to me more.. because I see my frustrated dreams unfold in their pages..

Anyway.. I need to get my brain working again.. and functioning. I remember getting inclined to writing poetry during the last days of school.. I still have fresh pages from this cute pink journal my sister gave me for my birthday.. hmm.. maybe I should freewrite again.

And this blog too! I need this updated regularly.

Wow, I’ve just seen the Transformers and it was pretty dope. It was so cool that I’ve overlooked why Megatron died because of the cube.. (i didnt get that part). I liked it! But if anyone can explain to me why Megatron died and what was the significance of the cube.. and what happened to the world that ceased to exist and what’s the deal between the autobots and the decepticons — it would be of great help..

Not that I didnt get the point of the movie… well… maybe I didnt get the whole point but I give props to director Michael Bay for whipping up a cool movie.. Man, we almost didnt get to see it because the first AMC we went to had sold out seats for all the showtimes.. So we drove down the next AMC to see if we could still get in..

The ticket vendor was hesitant to sell us the tickets..

“There’s probably some seats left but they will all be scattered around.. Unless you guys don’t mind..”

“Uhm.. well.. we’re already here.. so might as well.. 4 adults please..”

Afterwards, we had to stand in line as long as the great wall of china and stay there for a couple of minutes. We got in the theater and yea.. the best seats were pretty much occupied.. BUT the front floor rows were scarcely full so we just sat there.. We got lame seats.. FIRST ROW, man! Well for the good part, it almost felt 3D in a way since the screen seemed to close in on us..

Well, as my cousin remarked: “It was worth it.” Yea. It was a pretty good buy. My only disappointment is that I didnt fully grasp the story.. But I definitely appreciated all that booms and bangs the movie had to offer..

Who would’ve thought that our little Louis Stevens would grow up to be such a cutie? He’s alright now. It’s just that sometimes (or all the times) I look at him, I still see that crazy Louis.. Maybe another badass movie will definitely establish his manhood on my list.. But that girl Megan Fox was pretty hot too..

I’ve been feeling pretty down lately.. I’m so weird these past few days.. Yesterday, I remember feeling so down I wished I still had school.. And I was back in high school or something just so I could have something to do… Because seriously, there’s nothing I can do for leisure that doesn’t require money and I do not want to spend my greens anymore.. Gas prices are bitches.. and it’s too damn hot for any outdoor activities..

My school friends are going away for college. My sister have summer school. I.. well.. I tried cleaniong my room.. but feel worse because it’s the freakin summer and the best thing i can do is clean my room? How sad is that?..

I dont even have any books to read. Grr.

I’m suffering from a major sensory deprivation. And it’s not fun. And now, I have this killer headache.. GRRR!!

It’s like one of those unexplainable impulses people get at 3 in the morning. I had this weird tingling feeling to write even though there’s really nothing to write about. I’m honestly going bankrupt with my creative juice and there’s barely any diversion left for me to do.

My phone ceased ringing. I’d like to think that people are just busy — and that they haven’t forgotten me yet. There are so many invites to meet up and hang out but gas prices are such bitches, I feel as if I’m paying more for my fare than for my food and movie. Aw, man..

Tomorrow… my sister and I are going out.. She wants to go to the beach but.. the shores are one mile too far away.. and there goes the gas issues again. Even with my very fuel-efficient Corolla, the 3.50+ per gallon rates aint no joke.

We’ll see.

No, it’s not real. Why post it here? Well, it looks cool.

When I’ve got enough balls and cred, I’ll seriously get one right on my lower chest — right where my ribs are parting.

Anyways.. my family went to San Diego this weekend, and it was really fun.. Although one of the things i was looking forward to didn’t happen. *cough-RR-cough* He might be reading this. Haha.

We went to the San Diego County Fair. Was soo much fun! I love the food and the smoke and the cool merchandise! Haha.. Only the fair people hustled us (at the game area). We prolly spent a good $30 in those damn games and i only got one lousy and puny, dirty-looking penguin stuffed toy not much bigger that my palm.

Whatevs.. All in all, the fair experience was awesome! I finally got to try the deep-fried oreos and snickers.. They sound so disgusting, but they were soooo fucking good — yes, fucking good because they were pretty orgasmic. Just thinking about them makes me salivate..

Sunday - we went to Corvette Diner for my cousin Anna’s birthday. It was a new experience too! I’ve never eaten in a place like that. It was sorta morphing into Pleasantville only with happier waiters and waitresses.

Anyways.. this weekend was pretty bomb.. First weekend of the summer.. And many more to come.. Man.. I’ve nothing planned for the summer (except for that one week in San Diego in July).. I need my social life resurrected.

I’m thinking a pool party at my backyard..  Hmm..

i’m just about done with high school. ironically, it hasn’t sunken in yet. i don’t feel anything. i mean, yea, i know it’s coming to an end but it hasn’t hit me yet that my life would be different once i get my high school diploma and i’m thrown out to the college world without any tardy bells, no proctors, no stringent rules, no inhibitions (but the common laws, of course).

i dont know. despite my high times last week, i feel like this week’s a big blob of nothingness. school’s coming to an end. we’re all signing each and everyone’s yearbooks but i don’t feel the essence of graduation - i dont feel the end yet. i dont know. i guess i’ve relapsed to my grumpy, old self.

fudge.

Yo, I’m still happy.

Though… today, I say: “Fuck love.” –or the beginning of.

No manifestation is manifesting any time soon.

Except for my imaginary weight problems, I can pretty much say I’m happy with my life right now. I’m unusually optimistic these past few days and it does feel good.. Even my 35-dollar parking ticket didn’t mar my high spirit.

School’s almost done, and I’ve gotten my final marks on some of my classes. I have a C in chemistry. That’s a bummer, but I guess it’s okay. My parents would probably skin me open when they find out but hey, life goes on and all the birds will sing, there’ll still be sun, and yea, they can scold me to death but it won’t change my grade. I am a C chemistry student.

I’ve finally admitted it to myself. All along I’ve blamed my teacher for my own shortcomings. Anyways.. we’re done with that. And I’m satisfied with it. I know I’m better than this and I’ve got the rest of my life to prove my proficiency in chemistry. Tsk. I’ll tackle organic chemistry in the future, you’ll see.

My family’s great.

My car, though a little cluttered, is doing good..

My friends are cool.

My love life is… on the verge of manifestation.

All is good.

… and for the first time, I’ve actually looked at myself in the mirror and honestly thought.. “Rina, you’re beautiful.”

It’s not conceit. No. It’s not narcissism.

I’ve come to love myself. And now, I think I’m finally ready to love and be loved.

Aw, man.

One of the things that make me happy right now is the fact that after starving myself for 2 weeks, I’ve gone down to 120 lbs. Still fat, but it’s an improvement.  BUT freakin Mexican food got my appetite going again and I’ve just devoured a bowlful of rustic onions and cilantro and beans and beef and 3 corn-freakin-tortillas.

I feel bloated.

Aw man.

Can’t believe prom is done with. And now, there’s really nothing much to look forward to except the summer vacation. Still, that seems to be too far away too.

I’m seriously gonna lose my sanity soon. I’ve got homeworks up my ass and no, it doesn’t give me that phallic gratification like poops do. It drives the shit out of me and jams it in there back and forth like a motherfucker.

Ugh.

I’m really stressed out.