Debutante

It was only about 7:20 in the morning when I started yelling at my sister for being a slowpoke. Man, I had my English AP test today and I was so worried I wouldn’t get any parking space near the school so I tried (though unsuccessfully) to leave early..

We got there at 7:30-ish and lucky me, I found a parking space so-conveniently situated right in front of the school. I figured the closer your car is to the school, the less likely it’ll be keyed by no-good bastards who grow jealous at the sight of a new car.. My car doesn’t even have a plate number yet. It still reeks of that new-car smell, but I don’t really mind. I’ve grown accustomed to it, and it’s actually pretty okay — not burberry-weekend or vera-wang-princess OKAY, but adequate.

So I got in front of the library where they were going to give out the tests and all I could see were cliques of kids fully-absorbed in their binders, studying for this exam. Unlike them, and fortunately so for me, I’m not under such a pressure to do well because I’m not directly going to a university this fall and my future associate-degree alma mater does not require me to do “exceptionally” in this test. I think having that in mind — you know, of me having this carefree attitude towards that test — gave me more edge to do better.

I didn’t study.. I read no poems (except for Rossetti’s cheesy, love-themed, yet so sweetly-written Monna Innominata). I didn’t Sparknotes my previously read novel to “refresh my memory.” Let’s keep this between you and me, but I did not prepare for this test at all.. Ms. Gonzales is not gonna be happy with it.. Tsk.

But hey, I think I did well on the multiple choice part.. For the essays.. well.. hmm.. maybe not as well.. I was thinking of a synonym for “seriousness” half the time and couldn’t come up with anything.. Man, I feel so stupid. I blanked out and as a result, my essays were written with minimal depth and redundancy. Arrgh.

But it’s over with! I’m glad.

I know what I need to do. And I know I should do it now.

Man. Fucking AP exams.

I can’t do much now, nor can I arouse myself to do anything productive after chillin in san diego this weekend.. I’m just beat.

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K, after ditching me for Valentine’s day, finally mustered the courage to call me..  Haha.. It’s funny now, cause he was too apologetic for what happened. Honestly, I didn’t really care.. Plus, Valentine’s day is overrated anyways..

*BUT.. K, if you’re reading this, you still owe me the flowers and the chocolates.. It’s never too late to get me those..

Oh wait, no.

Tsk. After all the binge eating I’ve done in San Diego (namely Conching’s and Royal Mandarin) I’ve already reached my quota for my food intake this week. So… no more meals for me.. just gum.. and coffee.. and air.

Woke up at around 8 this morning. Checked my phone for any text messages. Then I headed to my computerfront to see if I had any new emails or new messages or new whatevers from people.. All these I did even before I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth..

I know, I know.. It’s sad. My life is completely engulfed with all these technology things.. and again, I am reminded that my life is no more than a bore, and I’m slowly becoming a full-blown sociopath.. Tsk.

Haha..

Anyways.. so I left the house at about 9:45-ish and headed to Starbucks to get Paula’s and Brian’s caffeine fix. Drove to school.. hung out a little bit with Brian in my car.. and finally got to class.

School was a big blur.. I’m seriously terminal with my Senioritis, I tell you. In chemistry, I had to explain some chemistry kinetics mechanics in class (which is supposedly general knowledge by now) and I completely bombed it and made an ass of myself in front of the class..

“Rina,” my chem teacher called, ” Do you think if we reverse the reaction then it will be more favorable to the reactants?”

“Uhm.. no?” I hesitantly answered.

“Are you sure?”

“Mr. Hagen, is this a trick question?”

“Well… no. It’s just a matter of understanding how the mechanics work..”

Man, I hate reminiscing about my good old chemistry days.. when everything was easy and I wouldn’t ever get a grade lower than a 98% on any given test.. It makes me feel so incompetent now..

Now that I can barely raise my grade up to a B.. and when I’m probably one of the stupidest in the class.. My Asian powers fail me..

After school my mom, sister, and I headed to San Diego for [my cousin/ family friend] Anna’s confirmation. I still think the kids who get confirmed here in the states have it easy.. I got slapped by the priest when I was confirmed back in the Philippines.. Tsk.

This post is all over the places.. Sorry. It’s almost 3 in the morning..

As is my ritual before I write an essay, I try to wean my writing and get my creative juice flowing by writing a blog post, though I’m a little worried B’s essay (the one i “helped” him write last night) might’ve exhausted me of my essay-writing expertise (as if I have so much to brag of).

I’m ready to go.. After reading Hesse’s Siddhartha, I’m ready to get rolling and BS my way through yet another decently-graded paper! Haha..

Can’t divulge my perverted thoughts today; we don’t want any stray obscenities on my paper… Haha..

Back to work..

Saturday..

I’ve so many stuff to do.. Well.. just an essay for English, actually, but it’s still a pain in my ass.. Ugh.. Why Why Why?

The only motivation I have (to do this homework) is what one of my classmates said: “Procrastination, just like masturbation, feels good until you realize you just fucked yourself up..” Haha.. I think about this every once in a while, get a good chuckle going, and try to haul myself to read my novel for the essay.. but to no avail.

Whatever. At least I’m extremely happy with something else..

Stupid me. I forgot my journal for my Show and Tell. I was just gonna use my passport, since I still have it in my purse (I needed an identification to take my damned driving exam), but I really won’t have anything to say because.. a passport is s passport.. I have two passports stapled together that makes me seem like a jet setter or something but.. not really.. my passport expired with only a couple of stamps on it..

Anyway.. I probably flunked my precalculus test today. I “finished” in about 20 minutes.. and people who finish that quickly are either total geniuses or just plain dumbasses. It’s sad to say.. but I’m one of the latter. Curse them vectors! I don’t ever want to see them in my life!

Seriously, when do “normal” working people (except for math teachers) encounter stupid vectors? And when do they ever need to figure out the parametric and symmetric equations of the planes? Seriously? Come effing on!

GRRRRR!!!!

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Tomorrow’s the last day until the Spring Break! Whoohoo! I’ve already covered my pool with that solar thingy to warm it up.. Haha! We’re gonna parrrtay! Though, I’m still worried about my tummy keg.. I know my body’s not really ready for summer yet.. Eh.. whatever.

I’m just glad I’m gonna be able to unwind and de-stress myself from all these..

I am soo relieved to have finished my Psych book report on Maltz Psycho-Cybernetics. Although it’s already 5 in the morning and I still haven’t done my Chemistry homework. No worries. Charles kindly lent me his homework.. so I can just copy. I love it how I have really reliable friends.. They know when I need help and willingly give me resources. Haha.

Though sometimes, it makes me sad when I think of how I’ve regressed from being an A-straight student to a mediocre punk. But it’s here. And it’s now. And I can’t seem to fight it even if I wanted to.

I’ve just gotten a progress report card from my Mr. H, my Chem teacher.

“You’ve got to do something about this, Rina,” he says..

“I have been trying..”

“Yes, but you’re going to need to try harder..”

Instead of being smug and resorting to my “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” attitude.. I just sorta realized that I can’t slack off this bad.. I CAN afford it (since my senior grades won’t matter much for my high school transcript), but I shouldn’t. I know I’m more than this, and I am capable of doing far better things than my current crappiness. Sigh.

I just made up new categories which, I think, would be utilized more frequently than the others: BOYS BOYS! and HOMEWORK RANTS.

Incidentally, I’m gonna fill the latter in with a post about what else - procrastination.

I know I shouldn’t be whining. I know what’s wrong with my formula: simply avoid procrastinating! Allot time for things. Be a better time-manager. Do not check Perez Hilton every 2 seconds, and try not to go on Friendster when you have a 16-page paper due 2 days from today..

Interestingly, though, I got this horoscope from my Friendster account that says all I need to do is to “positively visualize” and all these things that overwhelm me will ease out..

So yeah. I’m doing that.. I visualize myself getting an A in my psychology paper even though I still have 5 chapters to go.. I visualize myself handing my uber long [torture] homework in Chemistry on time.. I visualize myself being sane by the end of this week..

Ugh. That sounded more like a sarcastic visualization..